


Newsies Noir

by chrisqzs



Series: Newsies College AU Series [2]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College AU, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, college shenanagans, fem!Finch - Freeform, fem!Specs, student films
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 00:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12900018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrisqzs/pseuds/chrisqzs
Summary: Blink is out of town, and Mush needs something (legal) to do.So of course the only logical option is to make a Noir Film spoof.





	Newsies Noir

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo this is set in my own little College AU headcanon and is based on something my friends and I did while my friend's girlfriend was out of town at a conference.

This was not how Davey was expecting his Friday to go. And he blamed Blink.

They had all been at dinner (well, most of them) when Mush dramatically plopped down in one of the open seats and asked, “are you guys busy tonight?”

No one answered immediately. Frankly they were a little nervous. Unfortunately, Mush took that as a no, that they were free.

 

\----

 

Mush’s project, it turned out, was a gender-bent Noire film spoof. Blink was out of town (how dare he visit his family) and Mush was bored. And a bored Mush is almost never a good thing.

Katherine immediately signed on as the “cynical alcoholic detective” and Finch as the “evil Russian antagonist” ( _ “can you even do a Russian accent?” “bitch I  _ speak _ Russian.” _ ). The femme fatale role, however took a bit longer to fill.

First nominated was Jack, who politely declined.

Next came Spot – nominated by Race – who didn’t even grace the request with a vocal response, instead a pointed glare to Mush (“ _ hey dude I didn’t suggest you! Glare at Higgins. _ ”)

Then all eyes fell on David. His knee-jerk response was to decline, but a small voice in his head, a really  _ really _ small voice, whispered  _ eh, fuck it _ . So he sighed dramatically, putting on airs of reluctance, and agreed.

 

\----

 

So, three hours later, as the snow just started to fall outside, Davey found himself standing in the basement of the science building, wearing one of Finch’s dresses (actually, her only dress), legs shaved, face full of makeup, and in a bra awkwardly stuffed with an apple in each cup. Finch and Kath were both dressed in drag as well, with Finch a little more convincing with already short hair and dapper suspenders and Kathrine’s hair tied up under a fedora.

Davey was only slightly regretting this.

They were waiting on Jack, Mush, and Spot, who had gone back with Mush to fetch the recording equipment from his dorm room. In the boredom Race had started a rather intense game of Spoons**, which Finch, Sarah, Kathrine, and Crutchie had immediately jumped at, and very soon it devolved into spoons being thrown across the lounge and people tackling each other. Davey was a little too worried about  _ something _ being… dislodged… to participate, though it did look amusing, and instead sat with Specs and watched her play flappy bird.

“Alright, assholes. Let’s make a movie!” Mush’s voice boomed over the chaos of Sarah and Crutchie wrestling over the last spoon that round. David sighed and stood up, looking over at everyone before glancing at Jack and –

Okay, Davey didn’t regret this anymore.

 

\---- 

 

Mush wasted no time in rounding up the actors and beginning his script-less masterpiece. They started at the beginning, roping Specs in to play the “scientist who was killed by the bad guy at the beginning because he found the plot” for all of a minute before dramatically shooting her outside with a nerf gun, dramatically zooming in on her bloodied (ketchup-ed) glasses.

 

\----

 

“Alright, this scene – Kathrine you just found out that Davey is  _ actually Spec’s beloved sister _ and she didn’t tell you!” Mush paused for dramatic gasps, which were provided by Crutchie and Racetrack. “Out of anger you are going to smack her across the face because this is the ‘40s and violence is totally okay.”

“Wait, do I actually smack him,” Kathrine asked, “or do I fake it?”

Davey rolled his eyes, “no, really smack me,” he said sarcastically. He heard a chorus of yesses and sarcastic nos from everyone in the room before Mush called for silence and began the take.

_ “Lucile, how could you not tell me he was your brother? This changes everything!” _

_ “It hardly concerns you, I hadn’t spoken to him in years before he sent me his journal!” _

_ George Jefferson took a swig from his flask and pulled his arm back, ready to strike. Lucile watched the hand fly forward towards her face and _ -

Davey fell back a few steps and Kathrine’s hand made solid contact with his face. His hands flew up to try and subdue the stinging sensation as he let out a string of less than savory words.

“Oh my God. Davey. You said to actually hit you.” Kathrine had also taken a few steps back. Her hands too flew to her face, but instead of stopping pain she was trying to hide her smile. Everyone was laughing, Davey too, once the shock wore off.

“I was being sarcastic,” he yelled, but he hugged a mortified Kathrine, trying to make her feel better.

“I’m so sorry, David, I hit you! You have a handprint on you  _ face _ !” Kathrine wasn’t assured. At all.

 

\----

 

The next few scenes continued as smoothly as they could, given the group. On the fly, Mush realised that they needed an establishing scene with the villain, so he pulled Sarah in to fill the role of henchman.

“Alright, Finch - you need to just talk to Sarah in Russian. Say anything you want but make it sound threatening. Then just monologue in Russian. Sarah, just nod and say  _ da _ . And -  _ action! _ ”

 

_ Vladimir Orlov took a slow drag of his cigaret as he eyed his henchman, Igor. “Согласно всем известным законам авиации, пчела не может летать?” _

  
_ Igor nodded solemnly, “da.” _

 

_ Vladimir continued on, taking a few menacing steps to look forlorn out the large window at the city below, “Его крылья слишком малы, чтобы вытащить свое жирное маленькое тело с земли. Пчела, конечно же, летает, потому что пчелам все равно, что думают люди, невозможно. Желтый, черный. Желтый, черный. Желтый, черный. Желтый, черный. Ох, черный и желтый! Давайте немного встряхнем его. Барри! Завтрак готов! Ooming! Подожди секунду. Здравствуйте? - Барри? Адам? Оан, ты веришь, что это происходит? Я не могу. Я заеду за тобой. Выглядящий острым. Используйте лестницу. Твой отец заплатил за них хорошие деньги. Сожалею.” _   
  


_ He took a step back and spiked the camera, “let us go speak with this man.”  _

  
  


\----

  
  


Davey was starting to regret his participation as they set up for the last scene. They stood in the lounge, where they had been playing Spoons about four hours earlier. Davey had kicked off Sarah’s rather impressive heels he had been borrowing about two hours ago, but now he had to put them back on for the last scene.

 

Mush hadn’t even started talking, he just looked too excited. Everyone else was tired. It was about one in the morning and the snow had accumulated quite a bit outside. Race and Spot were both curled up on the couch pretending to not be cuddling with each other - who they were pretending  _ for  _ is another question altogether. Specs had left with Sarah, the latter texting David later that she was tired of seeing Jack “losing his shit” over her twin brother in drag. But even Jack was starting to get fatigued as he and Crutchie shared what was clearly a one-person armchair while Mush pulled the two leads aside to lay out the scene.

 

“Alright guys - it’s the last scene then you’re good to go. Katherine - you are going to realize that through this whirlwind of an adventure you have grown to love Davey and you pull him in for a questionably-consensual-because-this-is-the-thirties kiss!” 

 

“No offense,” Katherine starts, raising her hand like she was in class, “but do I have to actually kiss him?”   
  


“Please don’t,” David said quietly. Katherine laughed, as did Mush and Jack. 

 

“Nah, don’t. Make it cheesy though. Basically just put your faces kind of close together and move your heads a bit. And  _ action! _ ”

 

_ They said their final goodbyes, and Lucile turned to walk away, forever this time.  _

 

_ Something stirred inside George Jefferson, and he could feel a spark light in his heart, one that he hadn’t felt in so many years. Before she could make it to the door, George grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around. He grabbed her face and kissed her passionately - _

 

“Stop, stop,” the voice was Crutchie’s, “that was horrible. That’s not how you kiss someone, Kathrine.”

 

“You think you can do better?” she asked incredulously. Crutchie nodded and got up, he made his way over to the two of them and unhooked himself from his elbow crutches, trading them for Katherine’s fedora while he balanced with most of his weight on his good leg. 

 

“And,  _ action _ ?” Mush called. 

 

_ George grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around. He caressed her face and kissed her passionately, slowly he moved his hand lower, allowing it to trace Lucile’s waist before hoisting her leg around his hip.  _

 

_ They stayed like that for who know how long - thankful to have each other fully. _

 

Well, they stayed like that until David cracked and started laughing, which threw him off balance and he fell backwards onto the floor. Crutchie stayed standing, taking his elbow crutches from Katherine with the biggest shit-eating grin across his face. Everyone was laughing and clapping, whether at the final kiss or the ridiculousness of David and Crutchie forcing their faces an inch from each other and moving them side to side like idiots.

 

“And that’s a wrap, everyone. See you at lunch tomorrow,” Mush called as he packed away his camera equipment. Sighs of relief echoed throughout the lounge and slowly people began to trickle out, exhaustion taking over. Jack walked over to help David up as Racetrack and Finch rushed out back to their dorm, followed closely by Crutchie and Katherine. Spot stayed behind to help Mush with his camera.

 

\----

  
  


Jack and David walked back to their dorm in a pleasant silence, no sight of any of their floormates by the time they got outside. Their silence was broken, however, by Jack’s stomach gurgling loudly.

 

“Want an apple?” David asked, pulling one out from his chest. Jack laughed and took it happily before yawning.   
  


“Man, I’m tired,” he said. “Ready to finally head to bed?”   
  


“Yeah. Or…”   
  


Jack stopped in his tracks. “Or?”   
  


Davey stopped a few steps in front of Jack and turned around. “Or,” he said, cheeky smile across his face, “we could do… something else. You know I have a single, so…”

 

Jack quickly filled the distance between the two of them and grabbed David’s hand as they continued the short walk to their dorm hall. “Yeah, I like this  _ or _ idea.”

 

\----

 

This was not  _ exactly _ how Davey had planned his Friday to go, but he definitely wasn’t one to complain. In fact, he should thank Blink on Monday.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ** for those who don’t know – Spoons is a card game (it has some variations called Piggy and a few others) where a group of people sit in a circle around a pile of spoons (one less than the number of people playing) passing cards around. The goal is to get all four of a specific card, once you do, ideally you try to sneakily grab a spoon and wait for other people to notice and grab a spoon; the one who doesn’t get a spoon that round loses. What normally happens when I play is people don’t try to be sneaky when they win and instead just try to fuck over everyone else by scattering the spoons.


End file.
